Meeting Agian and Again in Differne Lifes

Then you finally came to your senses. That girl or guy you've been talking to is not the best thing that'southward ever happened to you, and definitely not helping you accelerate or become closer to Allah. You know it'due south incorrect, you want to get over it, y'all want to move on, but information technology's just so difficult and no 1 understands you!

InshaAllah, information technology'southward all going to be alright. I've heard information technology all before, especially working with youth. It may be the single nigh hard sin to convince someone to leave. I knew a brother who left Islam for a daughter, because when all else fails, this is the last pointer Shaytan throws at the laic because it works. And that'southward why we need real, practical means to just get over it.

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The fact that yous're hither and reading this is a step in the right direction. You lot may not think and so now, but you WILL get over information technology. After all, Allah tells u.s.a.:

"Every bit for the ane who is conscious of Allah, He prepares for him a style out. And He provides for him from sources that he could never imagine." (Quran 65:2-iii)

The Prophet  tells us in a hadith that Allah says: "Due westhen my servant comes to Me walking, I go to him running." (Bukhari)

You're probably thinking that getting over a relationship can't be as easy as people brand information technology sound. Especially since Shaytan spends his days and nights trying to make the forbidden and so beloved to you. He convinces you that animalism is love as he makes your heart skip a vanquish when you encounter that special person's proper name – in your electronic mail, on your phone, or on your Facebook business relationship.

But believe me when I tell yous that you're stronger than that. Move on, work on pleasing Allah, and you will have no regrets. Just merely to brand things easy for you lot, here are 21 applied steps you lot tin can take to get over that haram relationship, divided up into vii categories:

Just Knock information technology Off

1. End the Relationship Cold Turkey

Enough with the games already. Cease dipping your toes in the water and jump in. If y'all think you're going to try to "downgrade" the human relationship a piffling bit, then forget it. Someone asking for advice once said that he thought it would be a good idea that instead of hanging out every bit frequently they would just talk on the telephone and meet for java every one time in a while. It simply doesn't work. Stopping cold turkey is the starting time pace. In fact, it's the only real stride that you have to take. The balance of what I'thousand going to share is simply how to manage yourself later on yous take that step.

2. Don't Continue them Hanging On

This is not the time to make a deal. No putting thoughts in each others minds about "when the time is correct", or "allow'south revisit this if neither of us are married by the time we're 19." They may try to do the same to you lot. Don't let information technology happen. This volition make you both miserable, volition brand things harder, and will make it incommunicable to move on.

iii. Cut the Cord

Delete all the emails, texts, Facebook messages, telephone number, voice mails, and anything else you have that reminds you of that person. Avoid situations where you will run across them as much as possible. Avert talking to them in general, and definitely not without someone else present. Don't try to notice out what they're up to, and stop cyber-stalking them. So quit looking them upward on Facebook, don't follow them on Twitter, and knock off any other sneaky ways you have to observe out what'due south going on in their lives.

4. Tell Them it'south Over… Like for Real

If y'all must have that final conversation to tell them you lot're moving on, so do it. Do it over e-mail and keep it short, sweetness, and non open ended by whatsoever interpretation. Don't leave things for them to respond to. End by telling them it's something you lot have to exercise for the sake of Allah. And inquire them not to contact you. The sooner you lot practise this the better. If yous're in the early stages then it's much easier to stop. Relationships progress and before you know it, you could be in over your head, and it'southward not as easy to stop it (though e'er doable).

Control Your Emotions

5. Turn the Radio Off

This is not a debate nearly the permissibility of music. One thing that's for sure though is that music will spark certain emotions when you're most vulnerable. Every song will be about you 2. Simply lay off of information technology for a flake and give yourself some time off.

6. Terminate Wondering

Don't keep wondering if they're thinking nigh you, and don't give them the opportunity to allow you know that they are. Let other, more than important things occupy your thoughts. Don't allocate an hour to stare at your ceiling before going to bed. Read a volume instead. Assume they're doing fine without you, and hopefully they'll assume the same nigh yous. Proceed your dignity.

7. Know They Were Never Right for You

If something starts off incorrect information technology doesn't just get right with time. Realize that you never actually loved them for the sake of Allah, no matter how much you thought yous did or what MSA upshot you met them at. Y'all need something that started on the right foundation.

[Updated] This should discourage anyone from starting something incorrect.  Yet, if yous're currently in an unislamic relationship, and union is right for you, and so y'all can always repent and start anew on the right foundation —with the right intention for union and with the correct etiquette.

But brand a decision now, and don't continue to build on the same foundation you started on.

Fill That Void

eight. Allow information technology All Out

Talk to Allah and tell Him how you lot experience – in whatever language you know how. Cry to Him if you want to. Exercise whatever you tin to get closer to Him. And then if you weren't already praying tahhajud every night, have some baby steps. Allah has an open door policy.

ix. Do What Yous Dearest

Exercise things that you lot actually relish doing. Yep, information technology's critical to do acts of worship, only as well do things that you really love to do. Play sports, go hiking, head to the driving range, spotter a pic. Fill your fourth dimension with things that will engage and fulfill you – and keep your mind from being where information technology doesn't need to exist.

Rekindle Your Relationship with Allah

10. Quit Looking for Beloved in All the Wrong Places

Permit your love of Allah fill your heart. There is a fulfillment that you lot will never become from people that only the Most Merciful can fulfill. Know that He has e'er taken intendance of you when you had nowhere else to turn to. Ask for His forgiveness and put your trust in Him. He volition not neglect you. And don't be afraid to exist lonely sometimes… just you and your Creator.

11. Brand Dua' for Something Better

You know the story of Umm Salamah whose astonishing sahabi husband passed abroad, she made dua' for something better and ended upwardly marrying the Prophet . And so know that Allah is the best of planners. And inquire that He grant yous someone who will bring you lot closer to Him and brand yous happy. Just live your life so that you deserve information technology. After the Prophet died, Ibn Abbas [ra] was said to increase in fasting and prayer. When others asked him why, he said

"I desire to go married, and I read the poesy: 'Pure women are for the pure men, and pure men are for the pure women.'" (Quran 24:26)

12. Follow Up with a Good Human activity

"Verily the practiced deeds erase evil deeds." (Quran xi:114)

And so you feel like you slipped and messed up. Follow up with something skilful. Give clemency. Pray at dark while others are sleeping. Feed the hungry. Fast some extra days. Merely be thankful that Allah saved you from something that could accept gotten worse. He is the Near Forgiving, the Nigh Merciful.

Let's be Rational

thirteen. Stop Dreaming virtually Marriage

People spend manner likewise much of their youth thinking about marriage. It's even a phenomenon with religious youth – actually, maybe even more and so with them since they'd rather think of union than something haram. If you're non fix, you lot're not ready. Allah says:

"Let them who detect not the means for marriage remain celibate until Allah gives them means by His grace." (Quran 24:33)

Dream large well-nigh other things and achieve something real. Your whole life, and especially your youth, is non near you being attached to someone else. Yous're an private. As the Prophet said: "take advantage of your youth before your old age. (Reported by Al-Hakim)"

14. Take Time to Evaluate

Evaluate what really makes sense in your life with regards to marriage. Is it really the right fourth dimension for you lot? If not, is that time soon? Are there things you have to accomplish before you're ready? Go the advice of good, righteous, and knowledgeable people to help evaluate. Use this time to develop your relationship with your parents. Go their take on things as well and talk to them about how y'all feel. You'll go great insight and build a stronger human relationship with them.

xv. Know that This Besides Shall Pass

I of my teachers once told me that all things in life kickoff small and grow, except for the calamity, which starts big and only becomes smaller. You lot'll get over this with fourth dimension. You'll look back and wonder what your problem was and why it was such a big deal at the time. And know that leaving what is haram volition only make your marriage stronger when yous practice find the right one by the grace of Allah.

Be a Ameliorate You lot

16. Rediscover Yourself

Detect your talents. Get into things that you've always wanted to try but didn't. Develop your skills in something you enjoy. Take time to do things that will exist tough to do once you go married and have less time for yourself.

17. Do Things to Feel Adept Almost Yourself

Take care of yourself in these tough times – your heed, torso, and soul. Read a book, study hard for your classes, eat good for you, get exercise, beverage a lot of water, dress nicely, listen and read more Quran, heed to a good lecture, volunteer at an Islamic office… basically, anything and everything that unremarkably makes yous feel like you've accomplished something adept. Be kind to yourself.

18. Larn Nigh True Dearest

Acquire nearly what halal beloved actually is. And yeah, it exists. Information technology'southward not what you think and it's not how Hollywood portrays it. Existent, halal dear is the Prophet  crying when he saw the necklace of Khadijah long after her death. It's when she supported him when the whole globe turned its back on him. It'due south wanting your spouse to do good so y'all can spend eternity in paradise together. It's not meeting a girl at a party and killing yourself considering you can't be with her (deplorable Shakespeare). Learn what truthful love really ways and you lot'll get over any haram relationship real quick.

Become Support from Others

19. Get a Role Model

Hang out with and talk to respectable immature, religious, happily married people. Become their advice and utilise them as an example for yourself in your life. They volition help put things in perspective for you. Inquire near their stories of how they got married. Ask them for advice and learn from them.

20. Lean on Your Friends

That's what friends are for. Now y'all finally have an opportunity to develop stronger bonds with your brothers and sisters (brothers with brothers and sisters with sisters of course, or yous missed the whole signal of the article). Information technology will be much easier now to spend fourth dimension with them and make each other better people. You won't always have this luxury.

21. Be Among the Righteous

Be with people who you know would not desire you to exist in that haram human relationship. The friend who tells you you're a fool for cutting things off is the 1 you desire to avoid for a while. If i or more of your righteous friends knew about the haram relationship you were in, then talk to them and permit them know you're moving on. It'southward a expert way to encourage yourself, and inshaAllah they will encourage you. If they didn't know almost it, no need to make confessions. Simply relish your time with them because it will make you a amend person.

I ask that Allah brand us all strong. That He strengthens the marriages of those in our ummah, and keep us away from all that is displeasing to Him.

Ehab Hassan is a Muslim youth activist and Islamic worker.  He has served on several councils and boards of diverse Islamic organizations while concentrating much of his efforts in youth work over the past fifteen years.  He strives to motivate and connect with Muslim youth and families by delivering sermons, leading discussions, and organizing artistic community activities.  His passions lie in Islamic manners, family development, and sharing heart-softening stories, as he tries to become the world to feel something – because people can exist so numb sometimes.  Past 24-hour interval, Ehab is a Mechanical Engineer, and by night he is a family human trying to maintain his status as the globe's best dad.  Ehab resides in Maryland with his wife and three young kids.  Follow him on Twitter @ehababuayah.

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Source: https://muslimmatters.org/2014/05/13/get-over-it-21-ways-to-say-goodbye-to-that-haram-relationship-and-move-on-with-your-life/

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